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Coping, Hope, Faith, phobia, Prejudgment, Racism, Reality, Truth

Would I be different

Would I be different if I had a full-time job? I could buy whatever I desired. Pay any bill. Have a car that I knew would start every time I got in it. I can help my children with tuition. I could help them with things they needed and some of what was wanted.  I could help my husband with the bills; buy things for the house. I could give people money anonymously and not be scared to check my bank account.

Would I be different if I lived in a big city? I could be just another person in the crowd. I would never be alone. There will always be something to do, somewhere to go.  No one would know me. I could visit family without packing up my car and driving for hours and hours. I would be like everybody else-not be stranger.  There will be plenty of sites to see, festivals to attend, places to go shopping, jobs to seek and old classmates to visit. 

Would I be different if I were white?  I could go anywhere in America, except for the big cities and blend in. I wouldn’t draw attention to myself at a stoplight or walking into a store. People would not be afraid of me or stare at me everywhere I go. When I wear something different, unlike others’, people would think I am starting a new style. They would not be quick to turn up their noses and  ask me, “What are you wearing that for?”Or when we talk about ethnic groups, they think of Scottish, English, Italian or Russian. No one says “Why does it always have to be about race?  If I were white, I wouldn’t have to answer the question, “Do you tan?” I wouldn’t have to worry about “the good old boys.”  I wouldn’t have to worry about seeking a job in an all white town where most people don’t even know a real black person-not on television .  If I were white, I might not even know the N-word exists. If I were white, I wouldn’t be afraid of putting my children in school; or, afraid that their teacher would teach them something about different people-people unlike themselves. You know “those people”. I would be okay with the fact that my children knew only about what was in their bubble and nothing else. I wouldn’t be afraid of being the only. But if I were white, I would be frightened that one day my child might come in the door with someone who looks totally different than those people he or she grew up with. Eek! Indeed!

Would things be different if America was proud of who I am now? Proud of the fact I have brown skin? Proud of the fact I am highly educated? Will it keep them from lying to me and telling me, “No, we have no job openings for your skill set.”  Since when are there no jobs for a talented teacher with a masters degree? Would that be true if my skin were white? If I were not brown, I would have been hired by the university to coach a sport instead of being turned down for head coach,and given the assistant coaching job under a young white female who nothing about the sport we were coaching.  Then, asked to drive the team to and fro even though I specifically stated my drive. The coach with the vast experience, who also officiated the same sport was told to driving was not an option.  No!  No! I am not driving Miss Daisy. I am not Morgan Freemen!

Would things be different? Absolutely not especially now that Trump is in office.  Today, it appears once again acceptable to call brown people the N- word and to build walls. Americans refuses to change, to accept those who are different. I am so sick of ignorance. I would rather live in a brown world than live in a white world. I was not born with these notions.  I just tried to live my life thinking equality, but had to react to the belligerent, ignorant people around me. Yet, there is no where to run or hide if one has brown skin. How can brown skin people be safe around those with white skin?  Be prepared for the worse and pray for the best. Thankfully, there are good, honest, free thinking non-brown people around. I hope they learn to proliferate like rabbits-America’s only hope!

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