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Learned this year

I have learn that it is more important to be happy with where one works than how much one gets paid. For now, today, at this point in my life- these things matter most. It is no secret to those that read my blog that I have no real job. I have a career, but no constant job. I am a substitute teacher. Teaching is my career. Usually I go from school and pretty much baby sit. However, I decided long ago that even as a sub I owed it to myself to enjoy my job. Therefore, I decided to talk to the students. You know, find out who they are. This has been a delightful goal. This year I mainly sub at a career based vocation, technical school grades 11 and 12. Love it. A building of talented kids and staff. Before I even subbed here, I was told not to because the kids were terrible and eat subs. My husband told me sounds like I would be perfect for the place. As always he was right. The students are a different kind of student. Most of the students work-hard after school and before school jobs; then, there is school. They do not care that I am the only black adult in the entire school. In fact, the students relish that fact with great delight! Being happy at work, I see my entire life in a different light. The satisfaction with my working environment has given me the stamina to cope with the many other difficulties in the other parts of my life. I realize my situation may change at any minute again. Nonetheless, I have promised myself that I will enjoy being me now no matter what!
This year is the first time in my adult life that I have no transportation. Naturally, this put an entirely different perspective on how I view my situation; different challenges to cope with. Having no car means learning how to hurry up and wait well. Waiting to be picked up, then to be dropped off. As a result, I always have something to do with me to pass the waiting time. My mother and grandmother taught me to love for knitting and crocheting; yet, I never made but a few things in those days. Now, I have taken up both again creating many gorgeous items. Loving it! I have also perfected my ability to drive any type of car. No car means drive whatever is available. Makes me quite versatile. The biggest advantage of having no car- I have more money. My children get that. I have no car, no gas to buy, no car upkeep and no transportation to spend my money I earned. Some measure of peace.
No consistent job still has a down side. When I lost my job due to teachers getting laid-off (really!), my husband and I loss half of our income. Yet, we have the same amount of children, the same bills and problems. Unfortunately, my husband could not handle all the responsibilities alone. We had to file bankruptcy. What a humbling experience. I never want to go through that again. Living with the real possibility of losing your home is frightening. Where am I going to lay my head at night? Equally as terrifying, those who process bankruptcies are often rude making matters worse in an already terrible situation. There is no excuse for that. I have learned to ignore the assholes the legal profession is full of. Thank God our attorney is great! How do I cope with the fear of losing our home? I remember everyday that a home is in the heart. A house is but a possession that can be taken at anytime for any reason by a person with more authority. Could losing a house mean another great adventure awakes? Most of all, will I get the kitchen of my dreams in the next place we will live?

Unfortunately, the saddest thing I have to cope with is our beloved dog is dying. So says the vet. She is 18 years old. She has brightened our lives and saved our lives many times over. She is a member of the family as was her mother and father. At four year old, my daughter watched her being born. My daughter is twenty-two now. Loves that dog like she birthed her. She snuck that dog on many a family trip. That dog is her life and best friend. Now, she is preparing for her demise. In a way not dying suddenly is a good thing. The vet said’ “Just love on her the time she has left.” We do. She still plays, tortures the cat and bosses around the other dogs. No one told her she is dying. She is a great dog. I did tell her to say, “Hello!” To my favorite dog her mom. I still miss her mom. She died unexpectedly because she was breaking up a fight her daughter was having. It was tragic and I thought I would never recover. I did. But still miss her. My daughter will recover too when her dog dies, but leave a residue of love on her sole that changed her life forever. That is why God created pets; to love us when so one else will for exactly who we are. Wish people were like pets- not the dogs they are.

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