Today is November 1, 2015. There is nothing special about today that I remember off hand. No one I know was born on this day. No one I know died on this day. Nothing effecting happened on this day. Thus, this day has nothing significant for or about me; yet, it is a new day, sunny and early. I still have time to ruin this day’s beauty or make it a good memory.
Let me see… I have no money, but I paid the phone bill completely. That is a great accomplishment. Now, I do not have to worry about it getting shut off where my kids or husband are out of touch with me. One less worry. But then again, life without a phone was peaceful. Bad news finds everyone soon enough always to quickly. Good news is welcomed at anytime everywhere. So what do I want on this day to happen? Damn that is an great question. There is so much to be done that I just stand still, in the middle of the room, trying to make up my mind about my next move. I want a satisflying Sunday or a fun Sunday.
But I have wishes-dreams. I wish I had a date with a friend to do something different. I want to go to a water park! I want to slide down the most exotic slides. I want to laugh and plunge deep into the warm, clorinated water and swirl around. I want to experience the bliss of having no cares for the moment. To able to relive the happiness of a child as I giggle in delight pushing the wet hair out of my face. I do not want to care about my bills. I do not want to care about my weight or my bank account. I do not care even if I do not have enough money to get home. I will think my day is worth the wait of burden which will eventually too quickly over take me again. I just want to have fun again! Pure fun! Fun! Without worry about getting arrested, drunk, or what will happen tomorrow. I think this would be the perfect dream. Do you remember when you were a kid? I had so many days when life was great. I do not have that any more. I spend my life in drabness worrying about bankrupcies, bills, money, my health, my children, my husband and what I have to do to escape this bed of responsibility- just for a while. Water’s weightlessness would be welcomed about now. I do not want to wake up old and realize I missed all the fun.
Just because I am middle aged why do I have to be unhappy. I do not have a bad marriage. I have wonderful children. So why is life so hopeless? I say because no one have vision. I seemed to have lost mine. I need to search for the fun in my live like I have been searching for the elusive damn job every fucking day! Maybe that will encourage happiness to reenter my life and make it worth living again. I do not have to waste my life sleeping, or watching television. I want to practice being happy and having fun. So, how do I start this new goal. I start with me. Then, I will try to infect someone I love. Oh God! This is an the impossible dream. Can you help?