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Searching for a Future

It is no secret to those of you who read my blog that I have no real job. But, the lack of a “real job” is disturbing to my self-esteem.When I look at people and see them as their jobs, I find myself wondering,” What do they have I do not?”  A job!

Admittedly, I am envious that others are able to buy things for themselves.  You know like food, toilet paper, a bus ticket if they need one.  Whereas me, I cannot buy anything much.  I do get toilet paper from the dollar store.  I hate toilet paper from the dollar store.  It is so thin that I have to double up to wipe my bottom. This makes the  toilet paper go even faster.  My husband buys food.  

So, what am I good for?  I ask myself the same question all the time.   Basicly, I can do the following:

1. I am an excellent teacher.  

2. I am an official in volleyball and softball.

3. I am able to coach volleyball, softball, swimming, soccer and basketball.

4. I am an excellent gardener.  I grow both vegetables and flowers.

5. I am a writer.

6. I can crochet, knit and do other crafts well

7. I am great with kids and especially teens.

8. I love being around people

Things I do not want to do:

1. I do not want to work full time 

2. I do not want to do anything I do not enjoy

3. I do not want to feel like I do not belong where I end up

4. I do not want to feel I do not fit in

5. I do not want to be bored.

Things I am not afraid of:

1. Trying new concepts

2. Meeting new people

3.  Going to different places

4. Meeting new cultures 

5. Learning a new language

I have had an interesting life; nonetheless, I cannot shake the prevailing feeling that my life is over. I have been looking for a job for over a decade.  It does not help I live in a deadend town- in a deadbeat area.  No one wants to change in this town or welcome anything new.  Yet, I cannot move.  Of course, I want to move to paradise.  Not possible as my husband has a few more years to teach.  In the meantime, I must recreate me.  So how the hell can I do this?



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