It is no secret to those of you who read my blog that I have no real job. But, the lack of a “real job” is disturbing to my self-esteem.When I look at people and see them as their jobs, I find myself wondering,” What do they have I do not?” A job!
Admittedly, I am envious that others are able to buy things for themselves. You know like food, toilet paper, a bus ticket if they need one. Whereas me, I cannot buy anything much. I do get toilet paper from the dollar store. I hate toilet paper from the dollar store. It is so thin that I have to double up to wipe my bottom. This makes the toilet paper go even faster. My husband buys food.
So, what am I good for? I ask myself the same question all the time. Basicly, I can do the following:
1. I am an excellent teacher.
2. I am an official in volleyball and softball.
3. I am able to coach volleyball, softball, swimming, soccer and basketball.
4. I am an excellent gardener. I grow both vegetables and flowers.
5. I am a writer.
6. I can crochet, knit and do other crafts well
7. I am great with kids and especially teens.
8. I love being around people
Things I do not want to do:
1. I do not want to work full time
2. I do not want to do anything I do not enjoy
3. I do not want to feel like I do not belong where I end up
4. I do not want to feel I do not fit in
5. I do not want to be bored.
Things I am not afraid of:
1. Trying new concepts
2. Meeting new people
3. Going to different places
4. Meeting new cultures
5. Learning a new language
I have had an interesting life; nonetheless, I cannot shake the prevailing feeling that my life is over. I have been looking for a job for over a decade. It does not help I live in a deadend town- in a deadbeat area. No one wants to change in this town or welcome anything new. Yet, I cannot move. Of course, I want to move to paradise. Not possible as my husband has a few more years to teach. In the meantime, I must recreate me. So how the hell can I do this?