Okay, I’ve discovered that I have no life without my kids who are all grown. I have no real job because no one wants to hire a fifty something, Master degree teacher with over twenty years experience. I have no where I have to go. I have very little money of my own from my not so real jobs. Where does that leave me? Perhaps I should be depressed. I suppose I should not want to get up out of my bed. But that’s just not the case. I want to do something different with my life. I just don’t know what it is yet. My husband looks at me every day expecting me to fall apart and melt like butter in a hot microwave. Not yet, but I do admit to wanting an opportunity to come my way. I need something great to happen.
My husband is still working. Therefore, I am home alone when I’m not substitute teaching. I know there’s got to be something out there for me. Where? I have no way of knowing how to find it. I have applied for every job. I’ve looked under every rock for an opportunity-nothing has come about yet. It has been years. Boring! I never thought then when I got my age that I would be idle with no dreams or hopes and nowhere to go. 😳
As a mom, it was my job to make sure that I did what was best for my children’s future. For years I guided them on what classes to take, went to parent teacher conferences, checked on their homework, took them to school and to after school activities- always something. I taught too. Then, I got laid-off from my full time teaching job-one Thursday I believe. Still, I continued doing for my children.
Suddenly, I woke on a quiet Sunday morning. Silence in the house. My husband sleeping like a baby next to me. I realized my babies were grown and in college. My role in their lives was over. It is over! Now, where am I? What do I do now? I had my first and only full blown panic attack. I have never felt so useless in my life. I cried without waking the man next to me in bed.
What did I do with my life before children? Nothing! I spent my life then looking for a career. With my expensive Eastern education, I thought it would me no problem find a good job. Ha ha ha. I guess little has changed except the fact it is almost thirty years later. I am still looking for the elusive job.
So I must evaluate my assets. My ass certainly has gotten bigger. I can work on reducing that for sure. I do not want to go back and work full-time; too old for taking shit. At my age, it will certainly be something I do not wish to do anyway. Maybe I should concentrate on my talents. Perhaps I can do something with those to eek out a living.
I write. I knit. I crochet. I coach. I officiate volleyball and softball. I love to garden. I love my animals. I adore the people who love me. So where is my future?
Any ideas? Suggestions? Let me know.