I have a son. This is no secret to those who keep up with my blogs. He is smart, good-hearted, loving , a hell of a QB, an excellent student, a great person and a father of a beautiful two-year old little boy. At least we think he is the father.The child’s mother and my son were high school sweethearts from their freshman year. They dated until they were juniors in college. Both had full division one scholarships to college. They tried to attended the same college, but somehow she always derailed that. Much to our chagrin, both ended up going to college too close for our comfort.
Once in college things did not go as hoped. Although the feelings were still there, college sports made it impossible to be together often. There was little time for anything but their sports. As a quarterback, football was very demanding on my son’s time. Then there was academics. Eventually, they saw little of each other and both transferred to different schools again. My son had to face the reality that they had grown apart. He had become a scholar. She had become someone he no longer knew. Yet, they kept trying though he knew in his heart things were not going to work out. She was angry and wanted him to come home to her. He explained that he had team obligations to do. She said she understood as she had the same too. But their roles were quite different. He ran an offense. She was part of an offense. There is a different! Months went by. Things got worse. He came home and they tried to work things out. “Can we have a baby?” She asked.
“No!” He replied sweetly. I was sitting there with them when she asked him. I thought this was strange too.
“We are too young and cannot afford a child yet.” He said holding her. “Maybe after we graduate.” Then, the tears occurred. Later that week, the break happened.
Months after months went by with no contact. Then, she texted him in the middle of a football game. She was pregnant. He got the text because it was half time. (He used his phone to listen to music to calm down.) She was five months pregnant; just letting him know she said.Things got real nasty real quickly after that. She totally rejected him. Texts were exchanged, then nothing. He tried to patch things up between them-for the baby’s sake.
He tried to keep up with her during the pregnancy. They din some things together. We bought things for the baby. Nonetheless, things got uglier the rest of the pregnancy. She did not ask his advice on anything. She did what she wanted to do. He wanted to share with her. Then her father got involved-again. Her family did not want to press the issue of child support. After all they knew he had no money. They wanted him to agree to sign the birth certificate. They would agree not to ask for money from him. Seems stupid now. But at the time it seemed sensible enough as he thought he was the father. We were all at the hospital for the birth. Things did not get any easier after the baby was born. She continued to be rude and nasty as did her father. She would not talk to our son at all. Her daddy did the talking. The family would not let our son see the baby. Whenever we brought things for the baby, she would fly into a rage because they were not designer. Wanted designer diapers! Stressed out with football and an injury that ended his season early, plus her mistreatment, our child ended up in the hospital. We were worried-very. He kept trying with the girl. She kept treating him terribly poorly. Finally, he had enough and decided he was done with her completely. We got the support letter from the court-not too long after.
Now, over a year since he has seen or heard from her and the baby, we have finally gotten him to get a paternity test. Results yet to come 🙂 Admittedly, this would not have happened had she cooperated with our family. She tells him five months after they broke up that she is with child, then treats him poorly thereafter. Of course we question the paternity of the baby! He was too devastated to question anything for a long while after her. Her father was running the show. Or should I say, “ruining the show!” We just wanted our son back in good mind and spirit. Please God!
Today he is healthy and happy. Finally after a long while, he has a wonderful girlfriend. His new girlfriend has taught us just how blissful it is to have a happy child. She is a delightful young woman. Smart, talented easy to talk to and appears to love him. With her help, he has blossomed. She may not be permanent in his life because life is funny that way. But she continues to help him grow. We enjoy them together. No fighting!
As to what happened to his ex’s relationship with him, I think they just grew up and apart. They wanted different goals out of life She wanted a family too soon for his taste. She wanted a way to escape an overbearing father. She wanted everything he could not give her. He wanted to be understood. He wanted her to come to his games and be proud of him. She never did that. He wanted to believe in her. He wanted common ground to be who he was. For us, we want to know if the beautiful little boy is in fact our grandson. We want to love him if he is. We want a relationship with him without his mother’s drama. If the child is his, it means more court battles and more broken hearts. If the child is not his, it means he will move on. For now-we wait.